Some Soul Searching

When I first made this blog, I wanted to keep log of my adventures for my friends and family back home. Then, I wouldn't have to try and tell them everything that happened during the semester time and time again. But at some point, I realized that this blog is a bit like my diary, but a public one. So that maybe my troubles and happiness, my ups and my downs, could help someone else. That maybe someone else can grow with me, through me.

I don't want people to think that this is easy and I'm just over here going places and loving life and eating pizza every Wednesday night. While these are all still happening, there's so much struggle and heartbreak accompanying it. While writing a letter home, I poured everything out onto the page. I was in tears as I wrote it. This entry will share some of that suffering, and I will actually quote myself at some points. This won't be an easy post, for me or for you. But please keep reading. As so many points in life, it does get better.

I started out the letter talking about how much I adore the city of Galway (don't worry, pictures and the full tale will be coming within the next week). After five lines of that, the next 3 and 1/2 pages were about myself. "Today, though, I am homesick again. I feel so alone over here, thousands of miles away from my friends and family." Yeah, all of you back in the States are celebrating a small victory, knowing that I'd eventually fall into this inevitable morose state. Thank you, for predicting my misery. "So many of my favorite characters go through this... That's how adventures start and are made. Taking a chance and pushing yourself are the only ways to accomplish (great things) and change...I know all (of) these things, keep telling myself this, yet, it doesn't make it any easier. It's still one of the hardest things I've ever had to do -- maybe the hardest thing I'll ever have to do (although, chemistry was pretty hard too.)" I definitely have a deeper appreciation and acknowledgement of what so many of my favorite characters have gone through. Mulan, Quasimodo, Ariel, Hermione Granger, Hercules (from the movie at least), and so many more. They all went out on adventures, leaving everything they knew behind. They don't always show it, but they all go through what I'm going through now. Yet they persevere, they keep going, push harder. That's what makes them great; they went outside of their comfort zone and accomplished great things because of it. But I'm not going to make this entry into an analysis, even though it would be totally awesome and all of my past teachers/professors would be totally proud.

Then I have this moment, much like in Mulan and the Little Mermaid. Where I question why I'm upset, trying to get to what's really bothering me. "I'm trying to make the most of it, though sometimes I feel like I'm failing (at it)...I'm afraid that I'm not doing this right. That I won't get out of this experience what I'm supposed to...I just don't want to regret this, or regret not doing more...

"Maybe that's why I'm homesick; if I were at home, I'd know I wasn't wasting opportunity. I"m no longer in my comfort zone, and that's a bit much for me. I never imagined it would be this hard; I wanted this so badly, I wanted adventure, I didn't think that I would get homesick. I'm strong, I'm independent, I don't need anyone else. But now I realize how much I relied on other people for support. I thought I knew hoe to be alone -- that's what I do best. But now I realize that I don't really know who to be truly alone with no one to love me. I'm starting to make friends, but not many, and none of them Irish. I am starting to be more open-minded and less judgmental of people, even though I wasn't much so before. Maybe I should start making a list of what this experience has done for me already, because I'm starting to realize that I've changed already."

That list is much longer than I expected it to be, but once I started, the ideas kept coming. I've added a new page (up at the top if you're on a computer; hit the drop-down button if you're on mobile), and that's where I've put the list. I'll keep adding to it as the semester goes on. It's for myself as much as it is for you. If you're reading this, try to learn with me. These lessons aren't specific to being half-way around the world without anyone, they can be for times when you miss a loved one, or for when you don't know how you'll make it to May 21, or the next month, or even the next day. These lessons that I'm learning will help me for the rest of my life. Let them help you too.

Thank you for reading my sob-story. Now go start your own adventure.

Love and Peace.

Gift of the Gab

Last Saturday, a bunch of us went on a trip to Blarney Castle and Cork! Blarney Castle was probably the most beautiful place I'd ever seen - the grounds were breathtaking. Cork was fun, but I'm not the biggest fan of big cities, so my friend Ryan and I just went around a few shops and eventually found a small park to sit in for a few minutes. All of my photos are in my slideshow, but here are a few of my favorites from the day.

Me kissing the Blarney Stone!

Bogey kissing the Blarney S

 

 

 


Week two of the semester went on, classes starting to get into actual content. I joined two clubs: kayaking and outdoor pursuits! I start kayaking (in a pool) next week, but I did start rock climbing (indoors)!! A few of my friends and I went there on Monday and Thursday, and even though we didn't do much, I had a blast. I'm so excited to be able to do some of the more difficult routes as the semester goes on!

I registered with the Garda (the Irish police) on Friday, and went to Galway today! But that's a story for another time. Until then...

Love and Peace!